Aphorisms

An Aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

When wearing a bikini women reveal 90% of their bodies . Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that!

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

I always wondered what the job application form is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penney has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor”

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch.

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, & he was a drunk.

Does all this make you feel better about aphorisms?

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